Delusional Parenting: Admissions (College, Private School)

It's the admissions season.  Most applications (for college and for private schools) are in, and now the waiting begins.

Michael Thompson wrote a great essay for parents about delusions in the admissions process.

Parents have delusions about the college admission process. Why do I use such a strong word as "delusions"?  Am I using it in a technical, psychological sense?

I am not.  I am using it in the Buddhist sense.  Buddhists believe that our lives are afflicted by delusions to which we become attached, and that we struggle constantly to see reality clearly in spite of our ideas, our preconceptions, our wishes, our minds.

Thompson's essay is aimed at parents in independent school, but has utility for parents of public school students too.

Thompson identifies the following parental delusions:

1. "It's All a Game" Delusion
2. The "Riches" Delusion
3. The "Effort" Delusion
4. The "Special Relationship" Delusion
5. The "You Low-Balled My Child" Delusion
6. The "Colleges Are Very Different" Delusion
7. The "Big College Payoff" Delusion

Go read Thompson's essay in full.  If you can't, here are the highlights:

1. The "It's All a Game" Delusion [snip]

The parent who believes that the college admissions process is a game is intent on figuring out first the rules, then the unwritten rules, and especially the deep secrets of this new game, and then mastering them.  Game-playing parents range in style from the athletic through the compulsive gambler type and finally to the...powerfully connected parent, [for whom] everyone has a price or a button, and they see college admissions as another power game.

2. The "Riches" Delusion

If you go to a highly selective, well-known college it will increase the likelihood that you will do well financially in life. Right or wrong?

In a 1989 paper published in the American Economic Review, Estelle James and her colleagues asked this question: "College Quality and Future Earnings: Where Should You Send Your Child to College?" ....  They constructed a model in which they kept adding demographic, experiential, and institutional variables to find out which had the greatest power in predicting high income after graduation.  In the best statistical language, here is the punch line: "Regardless of which variables are in the model, measured college effects are small, explaining 1-2 percent of the variance in earnings."

3. The "Effort" Delusion

"But she has worked so hard; she deserves it."  Sorry, that's a delusion.  College admissions offices do not operate on the Marxist notion of the labor theory of value.  A hard-working kid with low SAT scores earns their respect, and may occasionally fit into their plans, but basically college admissions is about every college getting the strongest, most interesting, and most varied class it can get into the number of places it has.

4. The "Special Relationship" Delusion

Many independent school parents hold the delusion that their child's school and a certain college have a special relationship....

I have heard the best connected, best known college counselors say, "This is a weak class. We're not going to have a lot of high-profile admissions this year."  I have never heard a college advisor say, "I'm going to make big things happen for this class."  Because they can't....  In the last twenty years, regional colleges have become national colleges, and all colleges have become interested in having the most varied class they can.  Middlebury College sends out 70,000 brochures to get a class of 500. 

5. The "You Low-Balled My Child" Delusion

What college advisors cannot do is change the facts of a child's academic performance in high school.  Some parents wish that they could do so.... 

6. The "Colleges Are Very Different" Delusion

When I asked a college counselor what characteristics of a college really matter, she said: "Size, and to what extent the student body values academics."  Her quick summary is very close to what the research shows....

In the end, the research discovers what we know to be human: We all adopt the values of the group that surrounds us, and much of that value comes from the affluence and background education of the group.  These effects are much more powerful than institutional characteristics.  It is not where you go, it is with whom you go to college. And there are wonderful people attending many different colleges.  So much for differences between colleges.

7. The "Big College Payoff" Delusion
The idea that you pay for your child to go to an independent school so that he or she can get into a high-status college is a delusion of long standing.  The National Association of Independent Schools acknowledges that the public schools at the college track level do as good a job of producing high board scores and college admission as do the independent schools.  The reason that you send a child to independent school is not for the big payoff at the end.  You should send your child to independent school for the caring, the values, the community, and for the chance to have your child surrounded by peers from high-achieving families who value education. And if your child is very bright, hardworking, and tests well he or she will get into a big-name college.  And if your child is not so bright or hard-working he or she will get into a college that will meet that student at his or her level.  Everything else is delusion.

But do go read Thompson's essay in full.

How do colleges and independent schools make their decisions?  Isn't just the best and the brightest that get in?  Read this essay from a highly-selective private school:

Do you consider more than just quantitative (standardized test results, GPA) factors?
Surely. Some parents each year challenge our decisions on the basis that we admitted a student with a weaker academic and/or test record than their student.

First of all, it is not valid to simply compare one applicant against another as we do look at each student in the larger context of a total applicant pool.

Secondly, a parent is not privy to important input we receive via recommendations and interviews.

Thirdly, a parent also lacks the perspective gained by knowing the full characteristics of other students admitted and the composition of our present student body.

We do reward achievement, but we also realize the limitations we face in dealing with such young students. Thus, we do take some "risks," believing that certain students will blossom at our school and realize their abundant potential. But, rest assured that we do spend a lot of time in our deliberations as we try to be as thorough and fair as possible in bringing together a diverse and able student body each year.

Previous Posts:
my essay on how parents distort the private school admissions process
Admission to Private School: Calm Down, Parents
Two Faces of Advanced Placement
Early Decision: Yes or No
My Child Must Be Perfect!
Packaging Kids for College
A Primer on Advanced Placement

Update: There's a story today in the Washington Post about college applications and opportunities for cheating:   Writing Wrongs, by Beth Kargman.  She warns that essays that are significantly more polished that the applicant's grades and scores will result in rejection, and notes:

Having braved the application process myself six years ago, I fully sympathize with how stressful it is. But there's a significant distinction between hiring a professional editor and buying an unethical product.

Students who believe they are ready to attend college should not be searching for this form of application assistance. My clients thought they were gaining something by hiring my professional services. But in the process they were losing something far more important: an opportunity to define their own authentic voices.

I wonder how many parents turn a blind eye, or worse yet, enable their children to use these sorts of ethically-challenged services.

Comments

[cindy Preskitt]

Is there anythig that a parent can do offer or any way they can affect the oput come of the "wait pool" situation. Something that may help htheir child stand out and be offered a place in the college???please help. This is of course maintaing the high moral standards of private christain college.

[liz]

Here's what I sent Ms. Preskitt:

From College Confidential

Ordinarily, we advise wait-listed students to stay in frequent contact with admission offices and to submit details about new awards or achievements, but only if they’re significant. (For instance, winning a state competition would certainly be worth reporting; being named "Student of the Week" in the local newspaper is not, even though it's nothing to sneeze at and certainly fodder for the fridge door.)

Often we suggest that an appropriate “gimmick” might help. For instance, if your daughter’s application touts her talents as a musician, she could compose a piece that is specific to the college you’re courting (e.g., “Cornell Concerto,” or “Rhapsody in Crimson”); budding poets might write verse; an artist could paint a campus picture.

At the rarefied level your daughter aiming for, however, these cutesy things will have less impact than they might elsewhere because few students are likely to come off those lists and those who do will often be the special cases cited above.

Of course, it never hurts to try, but your daughter’s best bet is probably to allow herself to further investigate—and get excited about—those colleges and universities that did accept her. If she came close with Harvard and Cornell, we assume she must have some fine choices indeed.

From US News and World Report, 2003

Many colleges are trimming acceptances and expanding their waiting lists to avoid overenrolling students–which last year meant crowded classes and housing crunches on scores of campuses. Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pa., couldn't afford to "guess wrong" after welcoming 11 more freshmen in the fall of 2001 than its goal of 600, says Robert Massa, vice president for enrollment and student life. So last admissions season, the school took 230 students early decision, nearly double the previous year's count. The "binding" program helps enrollment planners because students who are accepted early must pledge to attend Dickinson. The school also reduced total acceptances from 64 percent to one half and boosted the waiting list to 250 from 160. Instead of admitting just three wait-listed students–last year's total–the school expected to give 50 kids the nod by summer's end. "We want to use the wait list," concurs Michael Steidel, admissions director at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. "It gives us an element of control."

While no magic combination of grades or activities can propel borderline applicants over the top, there's plenty a stranded candidate can do to catch an ad- missions officer's eye–starting with an expression of eagerness to attend. "It's E-mail; it's faxes saying, 'I'm still out here, and I'm still interested,' " says Steidel. "That's the message we want to hear." Agrees Lehigh's admissions dean, Bruce Gardiner: "Some kids are worried about being a pest. That is not really possible."

Somersaults. If you get stuck in wait-list limbo, also keep in mind that not every school is oversubscribed. Some 340 institutions still had openings following the traditional spring admissions season, according to a National Association for College Admission Counseling survey. But if you're determined to scale the walls of a highly selective school, you'll have a better shot at getting off the wait list, as Lindsey Phillips discovered, if you give colleges information they don't already have. Marjorie Jacobs, director of guidance at Scarsdale (N.Y.) High School, advises wait-listed students to send in updates detailing new honors, academic awards, or lessons learned doing community service. The University of Virginia, for instance, once admitted a wait-listed student after she sent images of her horseback circus-gymnastics performance. Jacobs also recommends alerting colleges "as fast as possible" if a candidate no longer needs financial aid. Funds get doled out early, making those who can pay their way more attractive.

Sheer creativity can help, too. Carnegie Mellon's Steidel keeps a bottle that he received from a wait-listed candidate several years ago. The bottle, coated with Life Savers candy, had a scroll inside that read: "SOS SOS SOS. I'm stranded here in South Carolina" and need the "rescue ship of admissions" to fulfill a dream of becoming a cosmetic surgeon. "We loved it," recalls Steidel. "It was cute; it was innovative." And it won the girl a seat. Another memorable wait-list winner from Hawaii painted the seascape outside her window on a coconut–a scene she said she'd love to pine for from a dorm room in Pittsburgh. "When you know someone wants it that badly," says Steidel, "it does turn the committee's head."

From the College Board

Take Control

It's not just a passive waiting game. There are things you can do to boost your chances of being accepted.

* Get a better sense of your chances of admission
Colleges sometimes rank waiting lists. The higher you rank on the list the better your chances of being accepted. Contact the admission office to find out if it ranks wait-listed students or if it has a priority list. Most admission officers are willing to tell you your status.
* Write a letter to the admission office
Being wait-listed means the school has already determined you have the academic credentials; so nonacademic factors are more likely to sway admission officials. Offer achievements that you may not have mentioned in your application and send new supplemental information. For example, maybe a terrific recommendation just came in. Emphasize your strong desire to attend the college and make a case for why you're a good fit. You can indicate that if accepted you'll enroll, but such a promise should be made only if you're absolutely certain. You can also enlist the help of an alumnus and your high school counselor.
* Study hard
This is no time to slack off. If you're wait-listed, you may be reevaluated based on your third- and fourth-quarter grades.
* Stay involved
Show admission officers you're committed to sports, clubs, and other activities.
* Request another (or a first) interview
An interview can give you a personal contact -- someone who can check on the status of your application.
* Realize that you've already achieved something
You were wait-listed, not turned away. Many students were not as successful.
* Reconsider the colleges that accepted you
If you'll be just as happy at one of your second choices, send in that deposit and plan to attend there. You'll be surprised how much better you feel after the decision has been made.

Jay Matthew's advice:

10 Steps for Wait-List Purgatory

1. Get excited about the colleges that accepted you, because you are unlikely to escape the waiting-lists of those that didn't. Put a deposit down for some school by May 1. Remember that the best evidence shows your safety school is just as good as your reach school. Think of the next steps as just an interesting exercise in diplomacy and persuasion.

2. Get a wait-list history from each of the schools that wait-listed you, including the total number of wait-listees this year. How many have they admitted off the wait-list in the past and what kinds of information are they most interested in getting from this year's wait-listees?

3. Pick the wait-listing colleges you like best—the fewer the better—and let them know you still want them.

4. Make all the contacts yourself. College admission officials think calls from parents are a sign of student cowardice.

5. Be happy, even if you don't feel that way. Tell them you consider it an honor to be wait-listed by such a fine school.

6. Send the wait-listing college a detailed letter or e-mail saying why you think its programs are such good fit with your interests and ambitions.

7. Emphasize in that letter that you have continued to apply yourself to your studies and activities since you sent in your application. Spotlight particularly good grades, honors, awards, sports triumphs and anything else new that makes you look good.

8. In the letter, talk about what you have learned about yourself and your goals as the college process has proceeded.

9. Ask one of your senior course teachers to write a letter about your work this year.

10. If by chance you get off the wait-list, and you decide you want to attend that school, find a sensitive way to tell your parents that they have blown $500 on that non-refundable deposit for a school you will not be attending.

Remember, you've accomplished a lot already. Don't despair.