The Lonely Walk

Chris Clarke and his pal Zeke are pictured here (scroll down to the bottom). Zeke is on the lonely walk--his age is catching up to him.

The thing about animals is that I believe they don't fear death--they fear being vulnerable to predators. I think even domesticated predator species, like dogs, have the fear of incapacity. 

I've had a lot of animals (horses, dogs, cats, and rats).  I've chosen euthanasia more than once, when another owner might have carried on.  For me, it's always come down to the enjoyment/fear ratio for the animal in question.  Two animals stick in my mind.

One horse:  He probably could have carried on for a while, if he was always kept in a stall--but he hated being confined, even if other horses were also in the barn.  He'd pace and weave and his appetite would go way down.   It was winter (mud season) and he kept slipping and falling and having difficulty getting up.    I asked a vet I knew and trusted, and told [him/her] that I was thinking of putting him down, and what would [he/she] think of me?  We watched the horse for a while, and agreed that euthanasia was the right decision.  Of course I stayed.  A lot of vets don't let horse owners witness the euthanasia process because, well, it's not necessarily peaceful, even if the horse isn't aware of its actions.  Thanks, Doc.  I would have felt worse not being present, given that it wasn't an emergent situation.

One dog: my pal Coonie (I'll find a picture of her and scan it in sometime.)  She was my faithful listener throughout business school.  We were pregnant and nursing at the same time.  Several years later, she developed a large tumor that did not respond to chemotherapy, and lost interest in eating (a tragedy for that coonhound, I assure you).  I asked Dr. Lagerwerff  to listen to me. I finally had a question for him: "Will you think I'm a selfish person if I decide not to pursue more aggressive care?"  I don't remember the actual words of his answer, but the general tenor was, "If she isn't eating, she isn't enjoying life.  Whatever treatment I have available won't contribute to her quality of life."  So I took her home for another couple of days, going for walks and so on, and then she and I went back to Dr. Lagerwerff's.  I cried and he got teary--she was quite a favorite.  I was so grateful for both his clarity of mind and his emotion.  Afterward, he carried her body back to the car, and I buried her near one of her favorite spots.

Orion's death  really bothered me because he was suffering and fearful, and there wasn't a danged thing I could do about it. 

So tonight I'm thinking about Chris and Zeke, and wishing the best for them.