There is an important idea to make more mainstream: Murray Bowen’s notion of differentiation, which indicates the ability to be emotionally objective, that is, to be caring and intimate, while being nonreactive and separate
A person with a well-differentiated "self" recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making him less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What he decides and what he says matches what he does. He can act selflessly, but his acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures. Confident in his thinking, he can either support another's view without being a disciple or reject another view without polarizing the differences. He defines himself without being pushy and deals with pressure to yield without being wishy-washy.
Why is this important for parenting? Because when your kid throws a hissy fit, you don't get hooked; you can stay calm.
What does this have to do with The Epidemic (my post and Shaw's page)? The over-indulging parents aren't differentiated from their kids--they percieve the kids as extensions of their own selves, and give the kids what the parent wanted in phantasy.
In other words, the spoiling parents don't stop and reflect, they just do.