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« Pandering to Children I | Main | Culture of Victimhood: Dyslexia »

Wednesday, August 04, 2004



That was a great article. Thank you for posting it.


More on this later. For now, a comment. I think this isn't parents being selfless, they're actually trying to live through their kids. Just like this:

Children rate their fathers as among their least popular playmates because they are too competitive, according to research among more than 1,000 youngsters.

They "played to win", lacked imagination or were simply at a loss as to how to play games, said the Children's Play Council, which commissioned the survey with the Children's Society

Frank Furedi, professor of sociology at the University of Kent at Canterbury, said: "Fathers are living through their children much more which means they lose sight of the line that distinguishes adult from child.
"It's also partly a power control issue. Fathers want to let their children know they are still 'players'."


Sounds very much like the philosophy of John Rosemond, whom my mother keeps trying to push on me. Makes sense, though.


Thank you for this wonderful site. The article has provided some much-needed insight for me, as a widowed, but definitely ueber-mom, who raised a now- 29-year-old errant son completely on my own.
I now realize my many mistakes and, more importantly, the need to finally cut off the stream of support, stop the arguments, try to finally find what I want -- and to go after it!
Thank you so much.


But some of this (and I'm guilty of all of it, from the kid side of things) is I think from my parents' generation being wealthier in general. My dad pointed out in his memoirs that his own father, in the post wwii world, and peers expected with no fuss or fanfare that one parent's job - blue collar - would support a family, buy a house, have a vacation house as well and money for trips. This was true then. It became less and less true. So a lot of people were raised with that standard of living. I can't live up to the standard of living I was raised with. My parents wish I could, so they give me money to do that.

That's my explanation. Call me a brat if you like.

I admire my parents for helping me out of major life difficulties and having planned for the financial resources to do that. Other people whose parents couldn't or wouldn't do that are often resentful. can't help my bourgeoisness.


Too many parents err on the side of caution and end up with 20-year-old children instead of young adults, and they aren't doing these children any favors.

I grew up in comfort. Then I left home and for the first two years I lived in a place with no hot water, shared showers/toilets, in a neighborhood populated by drug addicts. I still saved enough to travel, met many people who are still important in my life, and except for the flying cockroaches I was actually quite happy with the place (although my parents almost died the first time they visited me, and still turn white when I mention that apartment).

Most important, I was living on my own, and this established a realistic base to build on: I think my standard of living surpassed that of my parents about 10 years later. I'm sure it wouldn't have done so if I'd accepted handouts from them.

I also think the argument about previous generations being richer is bogus. Watch "The Honeymooners" for a look at what passed for a middle-class life post-WW2.

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