One of the things I've been thinking about is raising an intellectually and emotionally robust child in contemporary society, with its consumerism and entitlement and "self esteem".
One of the consumerist notions is that buying or having objects is both a necessary and an appropriate method to gain individual satisfaction. Another notion is that the act of purchasing endows the purchaser with certain rights, like satisfaction. Another is "new" is automatically better than "old". Consumerism involves a certain rejection of notions like Yankee thrift, or "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."
Joanne Jacobs quotes Thomas Benton
The "learning commons" seems consistent with the consumerist model of education that we all recognize: "I deserve an 'A' because I'm paying a lot of money to come here (even if I spend all my time playing video games and hanging out at the new campus fitness center)."
Douglas Cremer says the consumerist mentality in education
a false sense of power to the "learner," who can now insist as the consumer of intellectual property that she or he is "always right" and that the course should be tailored to her or his specific needs.
The early 20th century model of independent schools, especially boarding schools, had to do with character education, the salutary effect of relative deprivation.
So many parents today are overinvolved with their child's life:
Abby Kraft is one such kid. Amy and John Kraft of Beaufort, S.C., were shocked when friends sent a daughter to boarding school. "What kind of horrible parents would do that?" Mr. Kraft recalls thinking. But after seventh grade, their daughter went to summer camp at a boarding school -- and started campaigning to attend boarding school in the fall. The Krafts refused. "She is our only child. Our lives truly center around her," says Ms. Kraft.
And the kids are overindulged
Even their children level the charge at the baby boomers: that members of history's most indulged generation are setting new records when it comes to indulging their kids. The indictment gathered force during the roaring '90s. A Time/CNN poll finds that 80% of people think kids today are more spoiled than kids of 10 or 15 years ago, and two-thirds of parents admit that their kids are spoiled. In New York City it's the Bat Mitzvah where 'N Sync was the band; in Houston it's a catered $20,000 pink-themed party for 50 seven-year-old girls who all wore mink coats, like their moms. In Morton Grove, Ill., it's grade school teachers handing out candy and yo-yos on Fridays to kids who actually managed to obey the rules that week. Go to the mall or a concert or a restaurant and you can find them in the wild, the kids who have never been told no, whose sense of power and entitlement leaves onlookers breathless, the sand-kicking, foot-stomping, arm-twisting, wheedling, whining despots whose parents presumably deserve the company of the monsters they, after all, created.
admissions staff are also faced with the millennial parent, who is far more involved in their student's life than those of previous generations. Cheryl Brown, director of undergraduate admissions, overheard a mother say to her son "Don't worry, I already filled out your Binghamton application!"
Other institutions are calling them "helicopter parents":
Nationwide, campuses are experiencing an increase in “helicopter parents,” who seem to hover over their offspring and participate in decision-making in their daily lives. Engaged in their children’s education since preschool, some parents are filling out college and housing applications, helping to choose courses and majors and trying to smooth the bumps of college life.
I don't want to blame it on Barney, but this millennial generation does have a sense of entitlement:
Helicopter parents are the soccer moms of yesteryear. They doted on their children in the '80s, quizzed them with cue cards in preschool and followed that up with doses of Barney, the purple dinosaur who sang to them in a sticky-sweet voice about how special they are.
This "helicoptering," along with the Barney songs, shaped the millennial kids, Howe said.
"This is a generation that feels collectively like they are special," Howe said. "They have been treated that way by their parents, by the government and by the school system."
It's hard work, avoiding the helicoptering. Why? The sense is, if you aren't doing "that much" for your kid, you are a bad parent, or selfish, or something. I sure felt it this past week, when I kept saying "no", or "we can't afford it" or "that's not appropriate." And Al doesn't even ask for that much.
Love & Logic is a good antidote. Charles Fay doesn't talk about "self esteem", he talks about "self concept" and outlines what steals self concept.
Setting goals, and mapping out strategies for reaching the goals, is a mastery experience. It is also important to fail and to struggle along the way, because only by failure and struggle does the learner experience the joy of mastery. (I am indebted to Frank Parjares' self efficacy article).
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