I Want To Thank My Autistic Friends

For reasons, I spend a lot of time with Mr. Idaho, an 11 year old boy who is neurodivergent in various dimensions -- but not autistic.  

One of Mr. Idaho's baseline attributes is that he has a short but powerful body that he can not always control as well as he would like.  Or even think of controlling.  But he needs to move, and bump into things, and thrash about. 

Another is that his baseline, his normal, speaking voice is Drill Sergeant. Really.  I was calling on a neighbor two houses down the other day and could clearly hear him... from inside my house. Just talking about what he was hoping was available for snack. 

To be honest, a lot of Mr. Idaho's ways chap my hide. I find being addressed by a Drill Sergeant  aversive -- I don't like being blared at. I could say he is  a bull in a china shop. And so on.

In the olden days, before I had autistic friends, I might have had the idea that I could shame or discipline Mr. Idaho out of ... being who he was by nature. 

But then I met for example, Julia Bascom, who let me peek into her world with the The Obsessive Joy Of Autism.  And many have spoken of the cost of passing for neurotypical. Cynthia Kim's article Acceptance As A Well Being Practice is particularly insightful.

So I shifted my point of view.  My goal has become to find time and space to allow and encourage Mr. Idaho to be his natural self, his loud, exuberant, boisterous self....in ways where he doesn't run into limits or inadvertent bad outcomes.

I would not have gotten to this place of seeking settings for Mr. Idaho to be himself without the wisdom and guidance of my autistic friends. Thank you. And Mr. Idaho thanks you. He is a happier, more confident, more joyous boy. 

Edited to add: if you have favorite essays about the cost of passing, or how acceptance has changed your life, or similar topics, please put links in the comments. 

 

 

Comments

[Liz Ditz]

For example, this one:

However, many can pass for neurotypical only with great effort and feel pressured to act this way, living in constant stress over every small behavior and decision they make and never feeling accepted for who they are. To deepen understanding of the autistic pressure to pass for neurotypical, it’s important to read what other autistics are saying about passing and examine situations in our lives where we create this pressure for our children or for others.

Jenna at Learn from Autistics, Passing for Neurotypical

[Liz]

Surprise, Mr. Copp has found another IP address in Nova Scotia I have not blocked
Hi, I'm Liz Ditz. For years I have publicly humiliated the selfless hero, Doug Copp. I realize now that was very wrong of me and I feel absolutely ashamed of myself. It almost brings tears to my eyes as I type this. Doug, please find it in your heart to forgive me.

Liz

[Chris]

Mr. Copp, please stop posting as other people. It is pathetic.

[Adelaide Dupont]

I will never forget seeing this post on Tumblr and subsequently on Blogspot on the 21st of April 2016:

https://flutistpridesblog.blogspot.com.au/2016/04/why-was-passing-for-normal-important.html>Why was passing for normal important by FlutistPride

Over the past 15 years, Liz and commenters/readers, there are so many things.

Mel Baggs wrote about "https://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/>the difference between passing for normal and being passed off".

Liesel writes on Medium.com. And there is a whole Autistic Community on that website. People like Kit Mead and T Rob.

https://medium.com/@ekamangan/a-short-biography-of-an-adult-autistic-839ad71df10f#.j63g3chnl
https://medium.com/@ltaylorparker/april-eve-confession-of-an-autistic-troublemaker-f499b03a0531#.v8gkvy5ri
https://medium.com/@D_Kutchel/the-employment-statistic-no-one-is-talking-about-8953edc50221#.pvbtqqj7o
[Jeannette Purkis writes lots of articles and blogs].
https://medium.com/@douglasbass/an-autistic-insurgency-b1018fd611e#.7s6n2k6td
https://medium.com/@motivation/l-ron-hubbad-probably-was-autistic-31ec788c44d8#.pw79irei7
https://medium.com/@ChrisMartinPoet/an-inclination-toward-warmhearted-inclusivity-how-we-view-and-serve-the-autism-community-e9b30fb5f553#.vddeoj88j
https://medium.com/@tdotrob
https://medium.com/@autaitchel

Jocelyn Eastman writes essays too on THE ART OF AUTISM.

Then there's Danni Peka Miller whose drawings and digital art express so much. You can find her on Facebook and DeviantArt.

A lot of essays and stories from Alex Darling; Chris Varney; Penny Robinson; Elise Muller; Christian T and the ICAN group in Melbourne. Prue Stevenson's artwork.

The people from Geek Club Books - Chloe Rothschild and Lydia Wayman in particular - as well as many of the guys like Jonathan Murphy.

Daniel from the Autism Channel.

And my StumbleUpon account.

https://dragonriko.wordpress.com>Dragon Riko's website. She is a Mum who has Pathological Demand Avoidance.

Ettina's awesome scientific/psychological/literary/personal essays which I've been reading for 10 years. 2008-09 has some of my faves; so does 2013-14 and 2016.

Richard AU.

[Thomas]

"Hi, I'm Liz Ditz. For years I have publicly humiliated the selfless hero, Doug Copp. I realize now that was very wrong of me and I feel absolutely ashamed of myself. It almost brings tears to my eyes as I type this. Doug, please find it in your heart to forgive me. "

Poor Doug. So pathetic. I hope you get the help you need (after your victims do).

[Thomas]

PS. Thanks Liz for all that you do. It's been a while since I've checked your blog, and I'm pleased to see that you've been keeping up the good work.